Last Thursday on Instagram I posted three fish, and the words Aim to be interested, not interesting. The fish are a reference to David Lynch and curiosity. The words started life as one of five First Draft Commandments in Your Creative Writing Toolkit. They’ve now also become the name of the first week of a six-week course I’m piloting at Roehampton University in creative confidence for writing and speaking (if you’re a paid subscriber you’ll receive Week 1 next week). Something quite beautiful happened in the first few minutes and that’s why I want to tell you about them.

After I’d introduced myself, I handed everybody an invisible magic wand and requested they be as selfish as possible. What do you most want from today? What do you most want me to be able to give you? 

One of the answers was about writer’s block: I‘ve got this idea; I’ve wanted to write it for ages; nothing’s happening.

Another was about introductions: I’ve got to go to interviews. I want to make a good impression. How do I do that?

The answer to both these questions was modelled before I even began by one of the people who’d asked. 

As I’d introduced myself and the course, talking about what happy, authentic audience relationships can feel like (the connection between writer/speaker and reader/watcher/listener; how the more we feel it’s a relationship the more it becomes one), I’d noticed such a lovely energy as one particular student sat listening. The clingfilm of nervousness, frozen-over distance when he came into the room had peeled off. Safe in the audience, unselfconsciously enjoying hearing what I was saying, he was himself. And I saw him, and I grew in confidence as he saw me. It was an exchange of energy. It made him better at what he needed to do and me better at what I needed to do.

So I told them what that felt like for me, and for any speaker z- whether the audience ever know the difference they’re making or not. 

Same with interviews, first dates – and blank pages. You don’t have to show up perfect. Perfect was never on the menu.

When we want to make a good impression, we do get creative in one reliable way: anxiety. Mentally detailed stories of what might happen – so clear to us we convince ourselves they’re going to happen or already are happening – in full technicolour: all the reasons we’re unworthy and someone else would be better. 

We can take the fear at face value; misread it as a signal we shouldn’t or don’t deserve to be here. Or we can lean into the curiosity. 

All anyone wants from you – interviewer, date, reader, viewer, listener – is honest attention. We’ve always got two choices: fear curiosity. We can take the fear at face value; misread it as a signal we shouldn’t or don’t deserve to be here. Or we can lean into the curiosity. What about this situation speaks to me. What do I really want? What is it that it speaks to in me? How and to whom do I say so?

When we can bring ourselves to focus on curiosity about what we think and feel, who we are and want to grow to be – we look beyond what do they think of my hair, what if they think I’m stupid, what if they think I’m not good enough and realise the other person isn’t dwelling on any of those things. They’re just trying to find out about us, and our world, same as we’re wondering about theirs. We create the world as we want it to be by believing in it, investing in it, taking the first conversational step towards it. By offering authenticity, we create the circumstances where we get curiosity back. 

That’s what I mean by aiming to be interested, not interesting. You don’t need to impress us; you don’t need to convince us of anything. You need to be present, in all your imperfection and all your curiosity. 

Coffee & Creativity at Olympic Studios, Barnes | 10-11.30am Friday 6 June
Grow your connections, build motivation and unlock inspiration in this creative networking event with a difference. Dr Rachel’s gently powerful facilitation provides a space to turn curiosity into creativity, wherever you are in your writing journey. Click here.

Events this week…

(If you’re not in the UK, find your timezone here.)

Our next Writing Workout and Feedback is Tuesday 17 June. But first…

The Writing Room | 11am-1pm Monday 12 May
No expectations, no readings, just an open chat box and ten minutes’ (totally optional) chat together at the end. Free to everyone on my mailing list (if you’re reading this, that’s you!). Click here.

Writing Magic Realism: Magic Realism in Fiction | 1pm-2.30pm Tuesday 13 May
Tour through magic realist texts, and enjoy creative confidence building exercises to master these techniques and concepts, and make them your own. Click here.

Coffee & Creativity | 1-2.30pm Wednesday 14 May
Quality writing time and excellent company! Grab a coffee and have a mid-week chat, a write and then another chat with your fellow creatives. Free for members: type your discount code where indicated. Click here.

Writing Room EXTRA | 6-7pm Thursday 15 May
Members only: please check Voxer messages.

Monthly Writing Workout | 6.30-7.30pm Tuesday 27 May 
Grab a workout at the Writers’ Gym. Creative exercises, supportive discussion, specific tips and techniques for the writer you are. A guaranteed boost to your knowledge, enthusiasm, confidence and your word-count! Click here.

Coming soon…

Coffee & Creativity at Olympic Studios, Barnes | 20-11.30am Friday 6 June
Grow your connections, build motivation and unlock inspiration in this creative networking event with a difference. Dr Rachel’s gently powerful facilitation provides a space to turn curiosity into creativity, wherever you are in your writing journey. Click here.

Writing Workout and Feedback | 6-7.30pm Tuesday 17 June
Adding to our programme of regular workouts at the Writers’ Gym, this friendly group workshop is the perfect place to hone your writing – and how to get the best out of feedback. Click here. 

The Writers’ Gym is part of Rachel Knightley Coaching: creative confidence for life, work and art. www.rachelknightley.com

You don’t have to be a member to join a Writers’ Gym session: visit here. But if you’d like to access our weekly programme for free, and receive 30% off all our other events, ask about membership at thewritersgym@rachelknightley.com