starts with being a better date to yourself

I had a writing date with myself on Saturday morning. 

A writing date is not an artist date. Not, at least, according to the famous artist date model: taking yourself somewhere to wander without responsibility or expectation. Those are important and wonderful too, but so are my writing dates. These aren’t about wandering without responsibility, though. On yesterday’s writing date, I had very important responsibilities:

1. Drink coffee (or heat-friendly alternative).
2. Work at my own speed (and no faster. Breaks to daydream and/or think around a problem are an important part of the job description).
3. Purple-edit my draft.

(Hand-edits have to be in purple. It’s part of the process, for some reason.)

Bad experiences and good intentions sometimes mean we step back from the fun of creating. We make the time we have about forcing ourselves into productivity, instead of dreaming our way in. Which, ironically, will usually turn out a lot less productive.

And which tends to mean other ‘shoulds’ creep in along the way. I shouldn’t feel like this. I should have done this by now. When X was my age they’d written Y books.

These ‘shoulds’ may not sound like the most seductive of calls, yet we’re so often taken in by them. We stop enjoying the moment in favour of punishing ourselves for the moment not belonging to a different version of who we’re supposed to be. 

Which — like the story we’d otherwise be free to enjoy writing — we’ve entirely made up ourselves.

I transferred my notes to the Word doc in the afternoon, and put my reward-come-incentive of another in the diary. A second date, if you will. 

Then, I stepped away from the computer. I spent time with my partner and friends, with more of my head and heart available than they would have been. 

May we treat our souls at least as well as we treat our cars: with fuel for the journey, not as a ‘reward’ for getting through it.

Think on the Page…

Consider your last date with yourself. Answer from a place of curiosity, not judgment, and see what comes out when you do your thinking on the page instead of your head.

1. When was the last time I spent time with myself for the joy of it?
2. Where did I take myself, and what did we do together?
3. What do we love about it?
4. Where and when will next time be, and what will that look like?

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